That's it. I'm out for this month. And more than likely I'm out for the next month.
I don't know what to compare it to. I can only think of one analogy:
Imagine you're at the Olympics. You've spent your whole life preparing for this moment. You're at the starting line and the gun is about to go off and then you'll be running down the track - toward gold.
The gun goes off and you take off and then three steps later, before you even get the chance to taste competing you crash - your ankle spontaneously breaks! For no reason!
It happens they say, these spontaneous breaks. No one can really say why. Wait four more years. You'll be fine. Just try again. There's still time.
Meanwhile everyone else is absolutely stampeding past you. Hurtling themselves forward at alarming rates, heading for your gold, getting your applause, your recognition, your moment! And no matter what anyone says, you know you may never get to this point again in your entire life. It may very well be over.
That's what it feels like. You're out, just like that. And everyone else is herding away happy and content in their own pregnancies. You are out of your cycle group, you are out of your birth month group, you are now behind the rest of your friends who got pregnant around the same time as you.
I'm back in that very large group of non-pregnant women and I feel very very alone.
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