I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant this cycle. Scratch that. I'm not fucking pregnant. And not being pregnant is pretty hard to think about.
DPO after DPO - and nothing. I hated coming to this blog with nothing to write about.
My boobs aren't sore.
I'm not bloated.
I've got just as much gas as I would any other day of the month.
No metal taste in the mouth.
No implantation cramps.
No implantation bleeding.
My cervix is like a yo-yo- there's no rhyme or reason to that damn thing.
Cervical mucus? Hell I think I always have cervical mucus.
Two BFNs. One at 10 DPO and one at 12DPO.
Not. Fucking. Pregnant.
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Showing posts with label Symptoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Symptoms. Show all posts
Friday, December 7, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
First TWW 1 DPO: Continued
From 9:30 am to 2:30pm the symptoms are as follows:
Boobs: nothing
CM: dry
Cervix: High, soft, closed
Temp: I don't temp
OPK: I think I'm done testing
Cramps: Twinges every now and then
NOTE: Yesterday I had a headache and tons of the right kind of CM around 12:30pm.
Conclusion: no symptoms.
Look I'm not an idiot, I know there's like zero chance of having any pregnancy symptoms at 1 DPO. But I've got to do something to pass the time.
Boobs: nothing
CM: dry
Cervix: High, soft, closed
Temp: I don't temp
OPK: I think I'm done testing
Cramps: Twinges every now and then
NOTE: Yesterday I had a headache and tons of the right kind of CM around 12:30pm.
Conclusion: no symptoms.
Look I'm not an idiot, I know there's like zero chance of having any pregnancy symptoms at 1 DPO. But I've got to do something to pass the time.
First TWW: 1 DPO &....Mars
Officially in the first Two Week Wait. Meaning, I had a surge, we BD'd, I think I O'd yesterday, so today is Day 1.
No, I don't temp. Not yet. And yes, we only BD'd once this cycle. The day I got the positive. We were at my mom's okay, stop judging.
This is going to be, hopefully, a running commentary full of what I'm sure will be a crazy symptom spotting, boob squeezing, mucus checking, dialogue with myself. And today is Day 1.
I woke at 8:30 am. Sunday. I woke up tired. Okay. I fixed breakfast (pop tarts- I know, go me), cleaned the kitchen, and started a load of laundry.
9:30 am. My husband walked into the kitchen with his plastic Star Wars cup that he uses as a coffee cup. Yes we have coffee cups. We have a ton of coffee cups. He just likes that cup.
He walked into the kitchen and popped out the old K-cup. We have one of those cool at first then later impossibly annoying and expensive Keurig coffee makers. I mean, $10 for a box of 10 coffee K-cups! He popped in a new cup, snapped the lid shut, and punched the button. Our Keurig coffee maker sounds like it's lifting off when it's fixing a brew.
BRRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRBRBRBRBRRGLGUGLGUGLUG g guggugugugg guzzle hiiiiiiisssssssssssss.
Steam curled off the top of Obi Wan's head and I saw the plastic cup melt a little. No, he doesn't care that he's melting a perfectly good one dollar plastic cup from the Dollar Store. Nor does he care about the flecks of paint and plastic melting into his coffee.
"We're in the two week wait," I said to him.
No, he doesn't know what that means.
His response? He found evidence of life on Mars.
How does a wife react to a husband who seriously thinks he discovered life on Mars?
"That's nice."
"You don't believe me."
Well no... "It's not that I don't believe you... I just don't...," care, "...think it's that big of a deal."
If the NASA rover discovered a stash of Martians planning a Martian New Year's Eve party I wouldn't give two shits so long as I was still getting BFN's.
"You'll see," he said, "When NASA makes the announcement, I was the first one to know!"
"Okay hun." ....Meanwhile....Oh my god my boobs feel sore!
No, I don't temp. Not yet. And yes, we only BD'd once this cycle. The day I got the positive. We were at my mom's okay, stop judging.
This is going to be, hopefully, a running commentary full of what I'm sure will be a crazy symptom spotting, boob squeezing, mucus checking, dialogue with myself. And today is Day 1.
I woke at 8:30 am. Sunday. I woke up tired. Okay. I fixed breakfast (pop tarts- I know, go me), cleaned the kitchen, and started a load of laundry.
9:30 am. My husband walked into the kitchen with his plastic Star Wars cup that he uses as a coffee cup. Yes we have coffee cups. We have a ton of coffee cups. He just likes that cup.
He walked into the kitchen and popped out the old K-cup. We have one of those cool at first then later impossibly annoying and expensive Keurig coffee makers. I mean, $10 for a box of 10 coffee K-cups! He popped in a new cup, snapped the lid shut, and punched the button. Our Keurig coffee maker sounds like it's lifting off when it's fixing a brew.
BRRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRRBRBRBRBRBRRGLGUGLGUGLUG g guggugugugg guzzle hiiiiiiisssssssssssss.
Steam curled off the top of Obi Wan's head and I saw the plastic cup melt a little. No, he doesn't care that he's melting a perfectly good one dollar plastic cup from the Dollar Store. Nor does he care about the flecks of paint and plastic melting into his coffee.
"We're in the two week wait," I said to him.
No, he doesn't know what that means.
His response? He found evidence of life on Mars.
How does a wife react to a husband who seriously thinks he discovered life on Mars?
"That's nice."
"You don't believe me."
Well no... "It's not that I don't believe you... I just don't...," care, "...think it's that big of a deal."
If the NASA rover discovered a stash of Martians planning a Martian New Year's Eve party I wouldn't give two shits so long as I was still getting BFN's.
"You'll see," he said, "When NASA makes the announcement, I was the first one to know!"
"Okay hun." ....Meanwhile....Oh my god my boobs feel sore!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Number Crunching: TTC
22 hours from positive OPK to first sign of really wet CM.
8 hours from positive OPK to BD.
3 hours from positive OPK to negative OPK.
19 hours between negative OPK to positive OPK.
14 hours between BD and first sign of really wet CM.
10:30pm time of sex.
11:00pm earliest time the sperm entered uterus per Webmd.
November 25, 2012 @ 2:30am is 36 hours from positive OPK.
November 24, 2012 @ 2:30pm is 24 hours from positive OPK.
November 24, 2012 @ 2:30am is 12 hours from positive OPK.
If I ovulated 12 hours from the positive OPK the sperm was technically waiting for 3.5 hours. Plenty of time for the sperm to prepare and penetrate the ovum. If I ovulated 24 hours from positive OPK the sperm was waiting for 15 hours. This is still within a 24 hour period, the sperm should be capable of penetrating.
If I have sex at 10:30 tonight and I ovulate 36 hours from the positive OPK then the sperm will be waiting around 3.5 hours.
I'm gathering up eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, and birthday candles.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Cycle Day 1 - Again
I started my second cycle November 13. I woke up to it. It was a nice little, whoa before my morning coffee. It was five/six days early.
Before my D&C I had pretty regular cycles, 28/30 days. Nothing crazy. Now, I have no idea. It's like I'm 13 and starting my period for the first time.
BUT since this marks the beginning of my second cycle it means we are free to start trying again! Whoo hoo!
That wasn't an accurate expression of my true excitement. I say again: WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!
And let me just say, In my experience peeing on an HPT is like taking your car to the car wash. Want rain? Wash your car. Want a period? Pee on a stick.
Before my D&C I had pretty regular cycles, 28/30 days. Nothing crazy. Now, I have no idea. It's like I'm 13 and starting my period for the first time.
BUT since this marks the beginning of my second cycle it means we are free to start trying again! Whoo hoo!
That wasn't an accurate expression of my true excitement. I say again: WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!
And let me just say, In my experience peeing on an HPT is like taking your car to the car wash. Want rain? Wash your car. Want a period? Pee on a stick.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Big Fat Negative
Not Pregnant.
I'm around 9DPO or 10DPO...maybe. I didn't track so I have no idea when I ovulated. It's my first cycle after the D&C so I don't even know if I'll have a 28 day cycle. But I'm obsessed with being pregnant.
It is literally all. I. think. about!
At Target today I found myself in the pregnancy aisle. "Found myself," isn't exactly accurate. I walked over there on purpose. When I didn't see the tests near prenatal vitamins or lube I hunted them down. But I like to think it was a "whoops" moment, like oh what have we here? And, don't mind if I do.
I bought the 6 day advance early pregnancy test. Not the digital Cadillacs but by no means a jalopy. I had to pee at Target. No, despite what you just thought I did not check at Target. Although it did cross my mind.
I pee'd on it when I got home, in secret. I hid the remaining stick in my makeup bag. I didn't tell my husband.
It was negative, of course. I didn't expect it to be positive. But then again, that's not quite accurate either. In a little way, in a tiny irrational hopeless obsessed way, I did expect that second line. I still do.
It's in the bathroom, behind the towels. In case I want to check back later.
I'm around 9DPO or 10DPO...maybe. I didn't track so I have no idea when I ovulated. It's my first cycle after the D&C so I don't even know if I'll have a 28 day cycle. But I'm obsessed with being pregnant.
It is literally all. I. think. about!
At Target today I found myself in the pregnancy aisle. "Found myself," isn't exactly accurate. I walked over there on purpose. When I didn't see the tests near prenatal vitamins or lube I hunted them down. But I like to think it was a "whoops" moment, like oh what have we here? And, don't mind if I do.
I bought the 6 day advance early pregnancy test. Not the digital Cadillacs but by no means a jalopy. I had to pee at Target. No, despite what you just thought I did not check at Target. Although it did cross my mind.
I pee'd on it when I got home, in secret. I hid the remaining stick in my makeup bag. I didn't tell my husband.
It was negative, of course. I didn't expect it to be positive. But then again, that's not quite accurate either. In a little way, in a tiny irrational hopeless obsessed way, I did expect that second line. I still do.
It's in the bathroom, behind the towels. In case I want to check back later.
Stymptom Spotting: Nasal Stuffiness
Nasal Stuffiness. Now tell me why all the hype about a heightened sense of smell if you can't even smell anything? This might also be the reason I wasn't particularly blown away by the so called "super smell pregnant-power." For the first month I couldn't smell anything.
I thought I had a cold. I had no idea a stuffy nose was a sign of being pregnant. I would blow my nose and think, how in the world can I tell if I'm pregnant if I can't even check to see if I can smell?! It was a forest for the trees type of scenario for sure.
If a heightened sense of smell can be equated to a super power then the stuffy nose is definitely it's kryptonite. Come on, you knew the Superman reference was coming.
I thought I had a cold. I had no idea a stuffy nose was a sign of being pregnant. I would blow my nose and think, how in the world can I tell if I'm pregnant if I can't even check to see if I can smell?! It was a forest for the trees type of scenario for sure.
If a heightened sense of smell can be equated to a super power then the stuffy nose is definitely it's kryptonite. Come on, you knew the Superman reference was coming.
Symptom Spotting: Sense of Smell
Heightened Sense of Smell. Before I was pregnant the first time I had no idea what this meant. I equated it to Spiderman, like getting spidey-senses from a spider bite. So I waited on something that cool to happen.
Some articles describe women throwing up at the smell of their favorite hand lotion, or running for the hills at the slightest hint of the odor of eggs. And I'm not saying those aren't true examples. I'm just saying its not always like that, and for me those articles were pretty misleading.
When I walked by my co-worker's office and smelled the Dr. Pepper in the cup on her desk I didn't think wow Peter Parker would be amazed. Or when I caught a whiff of cheese-its and knew my five year old step-daughter was sneaking snacks before dinner, I didn't think that was necessarily a mind blowing experience.
I noticed a heightened sense of smell in a much less noticeable way. A more practical way. When I was pregnant I could find a dog turd in any corner of the house. (We have a puppy in potty training). And now that I'm symptom spotting for the second time, knowing what I know now, I'm much less dismissive when the cheese dip in the crock pot smells like pumpkin pie.
On an unrelated note, I'm listening to Nicki Minaj. What the hell is "pelican fly?"
Some articles describe women throwing up at the smell of their favorite hand lotion, or running for the hills at the slightest hint of the odor of eggs. And I'm not saying those aren't true examples. I'm just saying its not always like that, and for me those articles were pretty misleading.
When I walked by my co-worker's office and smelled the Dr. Pepper in the cup on her desk I didn't think wow Peter Parker would be amazed. Or when I caught a whiff of cheese-its and knew my five year old step-daughter was sneaking snacks before dinner, I didn't think that was necessarily a mind blowing experience.
I noticed a heightened sense of smell in a much less noticeable way. A more practical way. When I was pregnant I could find a dog turd in any corner of the house. (We have a puppy in potty training). And now that I'm symptom spotting for the second time, knowing what I know now, I'm much less dismissive when the cheese dip in the crock pot smells like pumpkin pie.
On an unrelated note, I'm listening to Nicki Minaj. What the hell is "pelican fly?"
Saturday, November 10, 2012
The Effect of Not Knowing
I'm putting myself through agony. My husband and I BD'd November 1 and November 8. I O'd somewhere in between those days.
I've counted from October 22nd to today, and to yesterday, and to the day before that. I've counted so many times I have to count again to make sure what day this is. And still I'm not sure. Is it 8dpo? Or 6? Or 7?
And every online ovulation calculator, calendar, chart, etc says something different. I might as well not even waste my time relying on those. But I will. Because I can't help it. The process is such a mystery, so uncontrollable, so stealthy, so secretive in my own body that it doesn't even seem fair!
Why is my body keeping secrets from me! Or did it tell me, and I wasn't listening??? That's the real agonizing question. And then I started wondering, was that cervical mucus stretchier than I thought it was? Did I feel twinges the other day? Is this stuffy nose trying to tell me something?
When I'm lying on the bathroom floor with legs spread and feet on the counter and finger in my yoo-hoo up to my knuckle and I'm thinking, is it open, or closed...open...it feels soft, what does hard feel like..am I even touching my cervix...-Okay that's when I know this baby making thing has gone beyond rational.
But whatever. When I go to the bathroom at work I don't care if my co-workers wonder why I'm taking so long in there. I check my panties, I look at the toilet paper, I look for mucus. I pull my shirt up and look at my boobs, are they bigger, is that a vein, are my nipples sore, are they tender, do they stand out more?
And then the following day I think...was my cervix soft yesterday? Or did I imagine that.
I've counted from October 22nd to today, and to yesterday, and to the day before that. I've counted so many times I have to count again to make sure what day this is. And still I'm not sure. Is it 8dpo? Or 6? Or 7?
And every online ovulation calculator, calendar, chart, etc says something different. I might as well not even waste my time relying on those. But I will. Because I can't help it. The process is such a mystery, so uncontrollable, so stealthy, so secretive in my own body that it doesn't even seem fair!
Why is my body keeping secrets from me! Or did it tell me, and I wasn't listening??? That's the real agonizing question. And then I started wondering, was that cervical mucus stretchier than I thought it was? Did I feel twinges the other day? Is this stuffy nose trying to tell me something?
When I'm lying on the bathroom floor with legs spread and feet on the counter and finger in my yoo-hoo up to my knuckle and I'm thinking, is it open, or closed...open...it feels soft, what does hard feel like..am I even touching my cervix...-Okay that's when I know this baby making thing has gone beyond rational.
But whatever. When I go to the bathroom at work I don't care if my co-workers wonder why I'm taking so long in there. I check my panties, I look at the toilet paper, I look for mucus. I pull my shirt up and look at my boobs, are they bigger, is that a vein, are my nipples sore, are they tender, do they stand out more?
And then the following day I think...was my cervix soft yesterday? Or did I imagine that.
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