Brought To You By First Response

I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant this cycle. Scratch that. I'm not fucking pregnant. And not being pregnant is pretty hard to think about.

DPO after DPO - and nothing. I hated coming to this blog with nothing to write about.

My boobs aren't sore.
I'm not bloated.
I've got just as much gas as I would any other day of the month.
No metal taste in the mouth.
No implantation cramps.
No implantation bleeding.
My cervix is like a yo-yo- there's no rhyme or reason to that damn thing.
Cervical mucus? Hell I think I always have cervical mucus. 

Two BFNs. One at 10 DPO and one at 12DPO. 

Not. Fucking. Pregnant. 

This message brought to you by First Response. 

Cycle Day 1 - Again

I started my second cycle November 13. I woke up to it. It was a nice little, whoa before my morning coffee. It was five/six days early. 

Before my D&C I had pretty regular cycles, 28/30 days. Nothing crazy. Now, I have no idea. It's like I'm 13 and starting my period for the first time. 

BUT since this marks the beginning of my second cycle it means we are free to start trying again! Whoo hoo! 

That wasn't an accurate expression of my true excitement. I say again: WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!

And let me just say, In my experience peeing on an HPT is like taking your car to the car wash. Want rain? Wash your car. Want a period? Pee on a stick.

Big Fat Negative

Not Pregnant.

I'm around 9DPO or 10DPO...maybe. I didn't track so I have no idea when I ovulated. It's my first cycle after the D&C so I don't even know if I'll have a 28 day cycle. But I'm obsessed with being pregnant. 

It is literally all. I. think. about!

At Target today I found myself in the pregnancy aisle. "Found myself," isn't exactly accurate. I walked over there on purpose. When I didn't see the tests near prenatal vitamins or lube I hunted them down. But I like to think it was a "whoops" moment, like oh what have we here? And, don't mind if I do.

I bought the 6 day advance early pregnancy test. Not the digital Cadillacs but by no means a jalopy. I had to pee at Target. No, despite what you just thought I did not check at Target. Although it did cross my mind. 

I pee'd on it when I got home, in secret. I hid the remaining stick in my makeup bag. I didn't tell my husband. 

It was negative, of course. I didn't expect it to be positive. But then again, that's not quite accurate either. In a little way, in a tiny irrational hopeless obsessed way, I did expect that second line. I still do. 

It's in the bathroom, behind the towels. In case I want to check back later.