Eating With the Dead

My two previous ramblings about the Indian Funeral had a point. And that point is, the tribe of my husband believes that in the hours after the burial the dead will share with the family a last meal, a feast.

We shared a meal with my husband's grandmother, after her family took up shovels and rakes, took off jackets and hats, and buried her themselves. The men dispatched by the county to take care of such things stood in the background in their faded denim, watching the family take up their shovels.

Grapes of Wrath dirt makes a terrible lonely and hollow thud when it hits a casket 6 feet deep. Being Baptist, I'd never heard such a sound. Baptists don't usually bury their dead. We don't eat with them either...

But my husband's tribe does. And during the feast, while I sat behind my husband, spouses can't sit beside the blood-kin, I thought about our little one, gone too soon. The family probably wondered why the white girl was crying on her fry bread.

I didn't just eat with his grandmother. I ate with my baby too.

November! Finally!

October is over. I'm still tense, waiting to see if November will hit us with the force of this past October. We've had so much going on the last thirty days.

It's the second of November and so far the remaining pets are still alive, no one is sick, no one is dead (again), and we got paid. Although we do have to go to a funeral Saturday. My husbands grandmother died October 31st. I guess that was the creme de la creme - in other words, the icing on the cake, the straw that broke the camels back, the cherry on top - and every other corny phrase that basically means:

"can't shit just get better already?!"

It has to be better because my husband and I BD'd for the first time since the end of September. When we found out the baby had no heartbeat October 4th it was just weird to think about "doing it" with you know...yeah....

Then after the surgery I  was on two weeks of "pelvic rest" - no tampons, douches or penises - Doctor's own words.

November 1st we did "it"! Without a condom. Which is a little nerve wracking because... well if you've been reading you know the because. If you not, let me fill you in: Missed miscarriage in October at 10 weeks, then D&C, then first cycle October 22nd, then we were told wait another cycle to start trying.

I'm only 22 days from the D&C. I've had one cycle. I'm scrounging around baby bump forums reading about others getting pregnant after a D&C. There is sooooo much conflicting information out there.

For today I've decided to take the "if I'm ready it will happen if I'm not it won't" approach. Because after all, what the hell else can I do?

Go Away October

A friend paid us a surprise visit on Sunday. When the doorbell rang we thought it was our neighbor returning our dog. He frequently escapes from under the fence. Lately it's been a source of contention between us and the neighbor. So when the doorbell rang my husband and I froze. Shit, is what I first thought. 

But when we opened the door and saw who it was we were relieved. Well, I wasn't entirely relieved because it was the friend who's wife had the baby shower I skipped out on. Damn. 

But when we filled him in on our recent bad news I didn't feel so bad. We've had a rough month...

-Missed Miscarriage

-D&C

-My husband's grandmother had a stroke and we had a late night rush to the ER, the way our luck is going she could pass away by Halloween. We're all still kind of waiting...

-Our cat ran out and a stray dog killed her

-We took the stray dog to the pound and since we told them it killed our cat in front of our very eyes I'm guessing it didn't last long. 

He said he was sorry he only brought us a political yard sign.